< Upheaval: The scenic route

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The scenic route

Last night, I was walking with my neighbor. We try to do this at least a couple of times a week. We don't go far, but we get to talk and feel like we are very athletic. We feel that way because we are breathing hard, but actually the opposite is true, and that is why we are panting.

Anyway, we were walking to unwind after a long day. We walked past a house and this lady shouted at us, "Wanna come see my hog?"

We were a little taken aback. It was dark out. We didn't know this lady. And also, what was she talking about?

We didn't want to be rude though, and we were curious, so we walked up her driveway, panting, of course.

I was expecting one of two things:

1) a shiny new Harley

or

2) a cute little pig, like in Charlotte's Web or Babe.

I saw neither. What I did see was a huge, disgusting, hairy, gutted beast laid out on her driveway. The woman had a contraption on her forehead that shone a light directly into my eyes. She was very excited about this dead thing and was hopping all around, telling us that is was her "first one." She showed us where she shot it in the heart.

I think I said things like "Wow!" and "Congratulations!" in the midst of her exclamations. But all I could think of was how nasty that animal was and the song "Shot Through the Heart" from the 80s.

My point is, this is not my bag, guys. So if you see me huffing past your driveway, and you have some fresh kill laid out on the concrete, just let me walk on by. I promise I will do the same for you.

9 Comments:

Blogger YankeeAmanda said...

Welcome to the "new south", where women brag about their kills just as much as the men do!

7:09 AM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

Ha! That is hilarious! And totally disgusting!

I will be sure not to save the squirrel carcass for you that my dogs put on display by the back door.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

My boyfriend told me that after they go hunting they will do whatever it is you do with a dead deer, in their garage with the door open.

They figure people who see that will realize they have guns in the house and be less likely to try to break in.

Regardless if the gutted deer home protection system works or not, its not something i want to see.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Sharkey said...

Um, ew. That is all.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Trinity13 said...

Gross!!! I would avoid that house from now on...heehee!

1:23 PM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

The South: where men are men and the women are, too!

There's just no reason for all the killing. Go to IHOP if you want some bacon.

6:12 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Don't you just love living in East Texas??

8:20 AM  
Blogger Princess21 said...

Ewwwwww!!!!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Did you ask her if she was going to make Hog jerky?

Is there such a thing as hog jerky??

11:27 AM  

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