The scenic route

Last night, I was walking with my neighbor. We try to do this at least a couple of times a week. We don't go far, but we get to talk and feel like we are very athletic. We feel that way because we are breathing hard, but actually the opposite is true, and that is why we are panting.

Anyway, we were walking to unwind after a long day. We walked past a house and this lady shouted at us, "Wanna come see my hog?"

We were a little taken aback. It was dark out. We didn't know this lady. And also, what was she talking about?

We didn't want to be rude though, and we were curious, so we walked up her driveway, panting, of course.

I was expecting one of two things:

1) a shiny new Harley

or

2) a cute little pig, like in Charlotte's Web or Babe.

I saw neither. What I did see was a huge, disgusting, hairy, gutted beast laid out on her driveway. The woman had a contraption on her forehead that shone a light directly into my eyes. She was very excited about this dead thing and was hopping all around, telling us that is was her "first one." She showed us where she shot it in the heart.

I think I said things like "Wow!" and "Congratulations!" in the midst of her exclamations. But all I could think of was how nasty that animal was and the song "Shot Through the Heart" from the 80s.

My point is, this is not my bag, guys. So if you see me huffing past your driveway, and you have some fresh kill laid out on the concrete, just let me walk on by. I promise I will do the same for you.