Guest blogger

Mom has been speaking ill of me to the whole internet! She thinks I do not read this "blog," but what else should I do while she is napping the day away??

Let me set a few things straight.

I did eat some rocks! They tasted good and cold, like ice. I started out just holding them in my mouth, but they are smooth river stones, and they slid right down. One after another. Time and time again. I admit, it was kind of an addiction. But I am OVER it. Also, Mom took all the rocks away and I can't even find the ficus tree anymore.

Secondly, I did sit in the bathtub! Try having a coat of black hair in the hot, sunny apartment in the summertime. I bet you would give anything to have the cool porcelain against your belly while you napped. That is why I did what I did. No one would ever have known if I hadn't gotten so careless. I used to do it when they were out, but once, I forgot and needed some relief from the heat while they were home. Embarrassing? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. My parents do weirder things than that.

Finally, I don't like to be crowded! I don't like things to touch me when I walk. I don't go through doors that aren't opened all the way. I have been known to get stuck behind the recliner because Mom rearranged the furniture and put it back too close to the fireplace. I believe the humans get medication for this disorder, but I am one tough dog. I don't rely on drugs to modify my behavior. I just live with it.

Mom probably forgot to tell you how smart I am. I can shake (two ways), fetch, sit, lay down, roll over, dance, and speak. Of course, all dogs can do these things. I just do them on command, so Humans think I am smart.

Also, for the record, I know that I am supposed to stay off the couch, but I can't go around obeying them all the time!!! What, do they think they own me???