One thousand words
I have heard that a picture is worth one thousand words. Let me see how I do with that limitation.
I have a friend. She is very much like me in some ways - sarcastic, full of dry humor, and neurotically clean. She loves bleach and she loves to disinfect. I have taught both of her oldest sons, and they were always dressed impeccably. They always have their hair combed. They have wonderful manners. My friend is a very capable surgery nurse and her husband builds and remodels homes. They are great people, a nice family. We have been friends for a few years and they have always welcomed me to their home. They feed me and host late night visits by Daniel and me. We have history that dare not be repeated on this vast internet, just know that it is funny.
That being said, I would like to take you on a little trip with me. (Don't worry, I'll drive.) Let's go to their house. They know we are coming, because I called ahead. They should be expecting us.
They live a few miles down a one-lane county road, down a long dirt driveway. You have to go slow and hang on to the handle by the car door cause there are lots of holes in this driveway. There is the house up ahead. It is such a cute little green house. The boys' toys are in the yard, but it doesn't look junky - it just looks like someone's home.
We pull around the rear of the house to park, as usual. But, wait...
What is that? There is the entire family sitting in the back of Daddy's pickup truck in the backyard. Mama is on the toolbox with the baby, Daddy is on the bedrail. The boys are hopping around. Well, that is a sight!
What are they doing?
OH. They are eating pizza out of a box. Pizza from the convenience store down the road. My friend is wearing a tye-died Arbor Mist tee-shirt that I am sure she got for free somewhere. She is also wearing one flip-flop. Her oldest boy is wearing a Dale Earnhart, Jr. tee shirt. Her baby boy is naked except for his diaper. His tan diaper. He is filthy!
(Gosh, I am kind of embarrassed for you to see my friend like this.)
As we park and get out, the middle boy yells "Hey, you wanna drink?" and props open the lid to the giant ice chest that is in the bed of the truck as well. He is barefoot and he steps over an open pizza box, full of fresh sliced pizza. Um, no thanks.
We walk closer to survey the scene. The baby's diaper is dirty - not from bodily functions but from the sandpit he has been playing in. His face is smeared with pizza sauce. He has black speckles on him that are probably just chunks of dirt, but look like bugs. His mama scoops him up and gives him a sip from her Coke can. The middle child burps loudly. Dad takes a swig of his beer.
I inquire about this strange situation, and am told that the house is too dirty to eat in. OH. Yeah, that is what I do, too. I just move OUTSIDE when the house gets too dirty.
Could we epitomize the redneck family any better? Only if her mother came walking down the driveway in her nightgown and slippers.
This is my tribute to them. She said I couldn't post the pictures, but I painted a pretty good one for ya, didn't I?
I have a friend. She is very much like me in some ways - sarcastic, full of dry humor, and neurotically clean. She loves bleach and she loves to disinfect. I have taught both of her oldest sons, and they were always dressed impeccably. They always have their hair combed. They have wonderful manners. My friend is a very capable surgery nurse and her husband builds and remodels homes. They are great people, a nice family. We have been friends for a few years and they have always welcomed me to their home. They feed me and host late night visits by Daniel and me. We have history that dare not be repeated on this vast internet, just know that it is funny.
That being said, I would like to take you on a little trip with me. (Don't worry, I'll drive.) Let's go to their house. They know we are coming, because I called ahead. They should be expecting us.
They live a few miles down a one-lane county road, down a long dirt driveway. You have to go slow and hang on to the handle by the car door cause there are lots of holes in this driveway. There is the house up ahead. It is such a cute little green house. The boys' toys are in the yard, but it doesn't look junky - it just looks like someone's home.
We pull around the rear of the house to park, as usual. But, wait...
What is that? There is the entire family sitting in the back of Daddy's pickup truck in the backyard. Mama is on the toolbox with the baby, Daddy is on the bedrail. The boys are hopping around. Well, that is a sight!
What are they doing?
OH. They are eating pizza out of a box. Pizza from the convenience store down the road. My friend is wearing a tye-died Arbor Mist tee-shirt that I am sure she got for free somewhere. She is also wearing one flip-flop. Her oldest boy is wearing a Dale Earnhart, Jr. tee shirt. Her baby boy is naked except for his diaper. His tan diaper. He is filthy!
(Gosh, I am kind of embarrassed for you to see my friend like this.)
As we park and get out, the middle boy yells "Hey, you wanna drink?" and props open the lid to the giant ice chest that is in the bed of the truck as well. He is barefoot and he steps over an open pizza box, full of fresh sliced pizza. Um, no thanks.
We walk closer to survey the scene. The baby's diaper is dirty - not from bodily functions but from the sandpit he has been playing in. His face is smeared with pizza sauce. He has black speckles on him that are probably just chunks of dirt, but look like bugs. His mama scoops him up and gives him a sip from her Coke can. The middle child burps loudly. Dad takes a swig of his beer.
I inquire about this strange situation, and am told that the house is too dirty to eat in. OH. Yeah, that is what I do, too. I just move OUTSIDE when the house gets too dirty.
Could we epitomize the redneck family any better? Only if her mother came walking down the driveway in her nightgown and slippers.
This is my tribute to them. She said I couldn't post the pictures, but I painted a pretty good one for ya, didn't I?
posted by Amanda
at
9:44 PM
8 Comments:
Was it like our former neighbors who's house was apparently so dirty, they moved all their belongings onto the front yard and just lived there?
Good times. Good times.
Do I know this friend of yours? Isn't someone I went to school with, is it?
yes! and, you did it in LESS THAN a thousand words. 605 to be exact. :)
oh, how i would love to see those pictures!
jenn, she is anonymous! otherwise i would post the picture!
Good thing about moving outside is that you can drop trow any time you feel like it. lol.
Nice.
Okay, you can tell me when I see you this weekend. And I'll see the pics then. No, I won't. Yes, I will.
jenn! you are so pushy! you CAN'T see the pictures. she is anonymous.
(really i will show them to you, but she reads this blog, so try to be more subtle)
Big sisters are supposed to be pushy. Duh.
I'll not see them later, then.
How's that?
much better. very discrete.
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