< Upheaval: Dream Jobs

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Dream Jobs

Jes tagged me, so I had to pick 5 professions from the following list and complete the sentence. If your name is Jenn, Quycksilver, Vanessa, Melinda or Michelle, you have to do it as well! My responses are in red, Jes's are in blue. Post it on your blog, or in a comment on mine.


If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...I'd live on a plantation and grow all my own vegetables, so that I didn't have to pay $4.99 for a pound of asparagus, or $2 per artichoke.
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary... I would come up with a more interesting "position."
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...I'd travel the world, and be able to talk to everyone I met without feeling like the ignorant American who couldn't speak another language and just expected everyone else to speak English.
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian... I would label books with helpful words like "Quick, Funny Read" or "Interesting" or "Waste of Time" or "Makes you mad at the author at the end"...
If I could be an athlete...I'd be a swimmer. Or I'd row on a crew team. I'd be fabulously in shape, and never have to worry about what I ate, because my career would be EXERCISING.
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper... I would keep one room vacant at all times, in case Jesus wanted to come and stay.
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider... I would make it a very lucrative career that only very intelligent and capable people could do. Then I would be their leader and organize conferences on llama-riding, which would be held in St. Thomas.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...I'd have Jessica Simpson as my first guest, and DEMAND TO KNOW THE TRUTH, the ABSOLUTE TRUTH about her relationship with Johnny Knoxville, and whether she and Nick Lachey were going to separate. And if that were to be the truth, I would be deeply, deeply disappointed, because I am so infatuated with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge... I would never have a TV show where I tried petty cases in front of ten people and a moronic bailiff. I would never wear a doily under my gown. I would give people punishment that fits the crime. If you steal from a store, you have to go work there for free. If you abuse your spouse, you have to get beat up by a redneck in a 4-wheel drive truck that has no muffler.
If I could be a Jedi...
If I could be a mob boss...
If I could be a backup singer…I would be a good enough singer to audition for "Making the Band."
If I could be a CEO...
If I could be a movie reviewer...

8 Comments:

Blogger Vanessa said...

Okay, I did it! I posted it on my blog, so be sure and read it. My favorite of yours is the innkeeper. Thanks, Amanda!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

I'd post on my blog but no one would go see it...so here's mine

If I could be a doctor...I'd spend more than 5 minutes with each patient who waited two hours to see me so they could feel like they got their money's worth.

If I could be a phsychologist...I'd examine the thinking process of the lunatic "Runaway Bride" as she is now referred to for all eternity.

If I could be a lawyer...I'd make sure Michael Jackson could never have anything in common with Kmart again. (Both have boys pants half off...GET IT?)

If I could be a backup dancer...I'd dance for Justin Timberlake...or just watch him dance and drool on the floor probably causing a hazardous work environment which may then result in getting fired, or sued, but that's okay because I would've met Justin who is funny and sexy all at once. I've said too much...

If I could be a Jedi...I sure as hell wouldn't wear a two foot braid and a mullet in any galaxy no matter how far away. Is George Lucas a closet redneck??
SHOCK N'AWE

10:01 PM  
Blogger quycksilver said...

1) If I could be a musician... I’d play the drums because drummers are seriously HOT. Or, I’d play the cello, because it the most gorgeous instrument ever. I’m hoping I would not opt for the viola again, since it is the butt of all musical jokes ever told, but who am I kidding—I’d probably do the same thing all over again for the same reasons.

2) If I could be an architect... I would figure out a way to enforce that whole “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” bit literally.

3)If I were a psychologist... I’d figure out commitment-phobic men once and for all, and I might even share my insights once I was safely off the market.

4) If I could be a backup dancer... I’d make them bring back the show “Solid Gold” so that I could realize my childhood dream and dance around in sparkley golden spandex with Dionne Warwick.

5) If I could be a Jedi... My light saber would be fuschia, and Yoda would be my best friend.

2:46 AM  
Blogger jes said...

i love your answers about being a judge...it made me laugh out loud!!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Amanda Sue - I want to give you a heartfelt apology - I forgot how FUNNY you are. You crack me up everytime I visit your site. I promise to visit more and to NEVER forget how FUNNY you are.

2:11 PM  
Blogger jes said...

KT: on behalf of myself, your apology is accepted. don't forget again. haha. :)

3:52 PM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

jes, you may not accept apologies on my behalf. especially since you did not realize that it is cinco de mayo.

katie, i accept your apology. it is easy to forget, especially since i am not funny all the time. sometimes i am serious, or pensive, or insightful, or agitated...

4:07 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

If I could be a scientist... I would come up with a pill that made all the baby fat go away after the baby's birth in half the time it took it to show up.

If I could be a painter... I would paint all my pictures with my beautiful naked body that had lost all the extra baby fat after having Micheal.

If I could be a professor... I wouldn't have to deal with parents asking about how a certain class was relevant to their child's future.

If I could be a proctologist... I would show all those stupid men what it feels like to be a woman exposing your most private things to a person of the opposite sex.

If I could be a movie reviewer... I would give bad ratings to every PG movie that had any word worse than "stupid" and any physical contact more than hand holding.

4:09 PM  

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