If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all...
Have you ever walked into a room, and noticed a sudden, uncomfortable hush come over people when they notice you are there? It is SO obvious that they were talking about you. They frantically start talking about random topics that don't even GO together, like:
"What? These shoes? Oh, I got them at Target."
"Well, I am so excited about that."
"Yeah, I can't wait. And tomorrow he is cooking hamburgers."
Whatever. That is so transparent. It is embarrassing to be the person who walks in, though. What were they saying?
This happened to me tonight. I was hungry, and I opened the refrigerator for about the tenth time to see if something had materialized in there. Nothing. But I did notice something strange...
Way at the back on the top shelf stood a bottle of Boone's Farm Blue Hawaiian (you know, the staple drink of poor college kids everywhere!) About 1/3 of the drink was gone. I think that bottle has been in our fridge since November, but Daniel insists that one of us will drink it sometime. Yeah.
Clustered around the Boone's were four bottles of beer. Daniel and I don't drink beer, so that must have been mistakenly left by the beer fairy, and had gone unnoticed by us until tonight.
The beer bottles all had their backs to me, and were facing Mrs. Boone's. They were obviously speaking in earnest with her. Apparently she is the ring leader (probably because she is so tall.) As soon as I opened the door, they got quiet. Two of the beers tried to nonchalantly turn around so that it wouldn't be so blatant that they were conferencing, but it was too late.
I know they were talking about us. We just keep them locked up in there, day after day. It is cold, but I am sure all of those beverages are WAY EXPIRED. They probably want to retire someplace warm, and were planning their escape.
Perhaps I will leave the fridge door cracked for them tonight. I want to give them a chance to have freedom. I want them to be happy. I want them to stop talking about me.
Mostly, I just don't want them planting crazy ideas of revolt and retaliation with the other food and drinks. Could you imagine the chaos?
"What? These shoes? Oh, I got them at Target."
"Well, I am so excited about that."
"Yeah, I can't wait. And tomorrow he is cooking hamburgers."
Whatever. That is so transparent. It is embarrassing to be the person who walks in, though. What were they saying?
This happened to me tonight. I was hungry, and I opened the refrigerator for about the tenth time to see if something had materialized in there. Nothing. But I did notice something strange...
Way at the back on the top shelf stood a bottle of Boone's Farm Blue Hawaiian (you know, the staple drink of poor college kids everywhere!) About 1/3 of the drink was gone. I think that bottle has been in our fridge since November, but Daniel insists that one of us will drink it sometime. Yeah.
Clustered around the Boone's were four bottles of beer. Daniel and I don't drink beer, so that must have been mistakenly left by the beer fairy, and had gone unnoticed by us until tonight.
The beer bottles all had their backs to me, and were facing Mrs. Boone's. They were obviously speaking in earnest with her. Apparently she is the ring leader (probably because she is so tall.) As soon as I opened the door, they got quiet. Two of the beers tried to nonchalantly turn around so that it wouldn't be so blatant that they were conferencing, but it was too late.
I know they were talking about us. We just keep them locked up in there, day after day. It is cold, but I am sure all of those beverages are WAY EXPIRED. They probably want to retire someplace warm, and were planning their escape.
Perhaps I will leave the fridge door cracked for them tonight. I want to give them a chance to have freedom. I want them to be happy. I want them to stop talking about me.
Mostly, I just don't want them planting crazy ideas of revolt and retaliation with the other food and drinks. Could you imagine the chaos?
posted by Amanda
at
9:34 PM
11 Comments:
I think pregnancy has really heightened your imagination, girl!
i agree. this post was written in a state of delirium. now i realize that there is NO WAY the cheese or fruit would ever join forces with the beer...
Are you sure that you haven't been sippin' some of that Boone's Farm?
Hee. Hee. Crazy.
When are you due again Amanda? (I forgot and I am too lazy to go back an read.)
ben - i put a ticker up just for you. i am 30 weeks, my due date is 9/9/05.
I think I missed something--what is Boone's?
:)
Sweetheart...is your air conditioner working???
Just for me?? Wow. Cool.
Sydney's due on Oct. 5th.
Incase you wondered. lol.
cute baby-meter, btw!
boone's is cheap apple wine that costs less than $3 a bottle. it comes in about twenty flavors and tastes pretty good if you are looking for a cheap drink. :) maybe it is just a texas thing?
Cheap drink = baaaaaaad hangover
ugh
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