< Upheaval: Redneck Parenting, Episode 3

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Redneck Parenting, Episode 3

Tuesday was our last parenting class. We got certificates, so I guess we are all Certified Parents. Wahoo! It is a little bit disconcerting that some of these people passed, though. Here are some enlightening things that were said ALOUD in class:

"I think breastfeeding is soooooo nasty."

A: Great! Have an opinion, why don't you, but let's NOT share it when the lactation consultant is visiting.

"Can we tan while we breastfeed?"

A: Probably not at the same time.

"I used to have my nipples pierced. Is that going to affect my breastfeeding ability?"

A: Yes. Your breasts are now the sprinklers from hell. You should have listened to your mama.

"I got dogs at my house, and they are my babies! If I brang this baby home and they don't like her, somethin' is gonna have to go! And it AIN'T gonna be the dogs!"

A: Probably something that should have been considered about 9 months ago. Thank you though, for opening your redneck mouth and confirming your intellect.

Anyway, the classes are over. We are all released upon the world. I know I am not going to be a perfect parent, but I can't help but think that I have one thing over on these women who are mostly concerned about joining Weight Watchers the day after birth. Maybe the baby needs to come first for a while, ya think?


Blogger Jennboree said...

Just think, some of those babies about to be born to such brilliant parents could've been your future preschoolers. Darn the luck.

Someone actually said that about the baby vs. dogs? Nice. Perhaps the dog can go in the Snugli while baby naps in the dirt hole by the shed.

9:16 PM  
Blogger jes said...

oh. my. gosh. are you sure you didn't make those up?

particularly the last one, where the baby is crawling around eating out of the dogbowl and slurping up spit-infested water with little hairs floating around in it.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

um, i could not make this stuff up. my neck is sore from whipping my head around to give an "are you kidding me?" look to the unfortunate person who opened their mouth.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Hilarious. I cannot wait until Blake and I take our classes. Longview is, unfortunately, a big redneck metropolis for all the tiny surrounding towns/communities. And considering some of the names I see on the flashing billboard each week that these people have given their children, I can't wait to hear their questions! :)

8:36 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Well, I'm glad that your classes are at least over and you are certified. I can't believe people actually said those things. I swear you should have to pass a test before you are able to produce children. So sad! I'm glad that there are great future parents like you out there though!

9:22 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

WOW. That's all I can say, "WOW".

And I loved your "my neck is sore from whipping my head around" comment.

These people are CRAZY!

9:50 AM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

crazy, and FERTILE.

hey - did anyone see primetime last night re: the frozen embryo adoptions?

11:04 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Were these questions the exception or the norm...

Crazy Texans. ;)

12:31 PM  
Blogger Sydney said...

UN... Be... LEI....VABLE!!!!

I can't believe these are real questions! No wonder Ben I didn't take any parenting classes. I have all those questions fiqured out for myself! YIKES! Amanda... You are going to be a great parent!!! To be completely honest I think that being a mother really is a natural thing. It just happens, and God gives you all the needed insights!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

Ooooh! Oooh! I wanna adopt a frozen embryo! Maybe I'll name it Embryanna. Or just Embry. That'd be more asexual...

2:40 PM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

arg. blogger took my comment.

it was a show about how people with infertility issues create lots and lots of frozen embryos to just get one child. the question is what to do with all the extra embryos.

there is an agency that helps adopt out unused embryos to other infertile couples.

3:12 PM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

Bet stem cell research would love the unwanted embryos. That's the big debate, I believe. If it is viable, I think the embryo should be sent to an "adoption agency". If it didn't weird me out too much, I'd look into starting one.

3:24 PM  
Blogger jes said...

there's also a moral debate surrounding the issue. what do you do with the embryos if you don't want them being adopted? just let them "die?" and they're also asking, "is that the same as abortion?"

5:23 PM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

as a Christian, i believe that life starts at conception. so, the parents should be held morally responsible for all of these little lives they started. BUT there are tens of thousands of frozen embryos that are just taking up space in a fertility clinic.

my opinion is that the more capable we become as a scientific community, the closer we come to crossing lines that God did not intend for us to cross.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I'm selfish, Amanda Sue, 'cause I'm sad your classes are finished. You were providing me with some great laughs.

Also, you are going to be a great mama!

8:39 PM  
Anonymous Sharkey said...

If those people are representative of who was in your class, it's no wonder the instructor felt the need to mention that you shouldn't create your own pacifiers.

Thanks for stopping by my site. I've really enjoyed the few entries I've read here tonight.

Have a great weekend!

10:25 PM  
Blogger Abrasivist said...

Looks like Walmart will be set for cashiers in about 16 years.

11:36 PM  
Blogger yee wei said...

haha,very funny!!nice blog,check out my blog!!

11:52 PM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

Amanda Sue, just to pick your brain...Since God already knows what's going on (science is about 7 years ahead of what we, the public, are aware of, though God obviously knows) do you think He just lets science continue on or might He intervene. Like, making it impossible to truly clone a human being?

We all answer to Him for our sins eventually. I wonder what His thoughts are concerning the centuries old obsession with humans to recreate themselves.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

consider my brain picked!

who knows. i think that because of our free will, He is inclined to let us go as far as we can. i don't think He would intervene.

but i do think He probably shakes His head in disgust at some of our choices.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

I imagine he's more disgusted with how humans disregard life (killing, abuse -self or others-, suicide, etc) more than their need to recreate it in their own image. But then, is one sin bigger than the other.

I certainly don't want Isabella's grandchildren to have a cloned great-grandma Jennifer looming about.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Kim's Mom said...

"Sprinklers from hell" LOL

I too am enjoying your blog and am looking forward to the new baby adventures!

Thanks for stopping by my place! Please feel free to stop by anytime! :)

3:01 PM  

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