< Upheaval: If you are what you eat, he's in trouble

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

If you are what you eat, he's in trouble

Disclaimer: Don't read this if you haven't yet eaten dinner. Or maybe not even if you have. Okay, maybe don't read it at all.

My throat hurts. It is raw. Lemmetellyouwhy.

Dillon hasn't eaten much in the past couple of days. He has an ear infection, which makes him cough and makes his throat hurt. Today, I got some yogurt and half of a banana down him. I guess it surprised his digestive system and kicked it into gear, cause almost immediately, he said, "Mama! I poo-poo!!!"

It was almost bathtime so I stripped him, cleaned him up and started running his bath water. He was playing (nekkid) on the bathroom floor when I noticed "The Look" come over his little face.

(FYI: "The Look" is one of intense concentration and oxygen deprivation that comes with attempting to move the bowels.)

Needless to say, he stood up, pleased as punch, and pointed to a freshly laid deposit on my bathroom floor. "Mama! I poo-poo 'gin!"

GREAT.

The next part happened in slow motion. I turned to grab some toilet paper and Clorox wipes from the cabinet. In that two seconds, in sauntered Tux. Nosy about the ruckus, I suppose.

What did he find, but a tasty morsel on the floor, just for him.

(This is where the sore throat part comes in.)

My reaction was primal. I opened my mouth and a deranged scream scraped out, louder and scarier than any other scream I have ever made:

"Get-out-of-here-and-if-you-eat-that-poop-then-so-help-me-I-will-KILL-YOU!!!"

Undeterred, Tux scooped up his treat and headed for safety as I ran screeching through the house:

"Get-outside-and-don't-you-for-one-minute-think-you-are-ever-coming-back-inside-EVER-AGAIN!!!"

I slammed the door behind him and pulled the blinds. I closed the curtains on the big window so he couldn't see inside. As for me, the gross-out shivers started in waves.

When I got back to the bathroom to clean up the floor and check on Dillon, he was standing naked by the tub, eyes wide and mumbling in a traumatized voice, "I poo-poo, Mama. I poo-poo."

I bet he won't do that again for another week. And by then, maybe I'll have let Tux back in.

4 Comments:

Blogger S.P. said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The total horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

9:51 PM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...That is the funniest thing EVER!

Poor, sweet, kooky Tux. He just wanted a Dillon treat and got punished for it.

Were you grossed out that he ate a poop morsel or that he was running around your house with a dangerous human poop threatening to get smashed somewhere secret?

7:16 AM  
Blogger Marianne said...

That is the most disgusting blogger post I have ever read. It was hilarious.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Amanda Sue said...

definitely grossed out that he ate the poop. i can deal with poop i can clean, but i can't very well pour bleach in the dog's mouth without risk of some animal abuse charges being filed.

8:56 PM  

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