< Upheaval: My dad

Friday, March 04, 2005

My dad

This afternoon I went to my parent's house, which is two miles away. My reason for going was to
a) visit with my grandma, who is in town from El Paso, and
b) take a nap since Daniel is doing loud work at my home.

Instead, my dad was home. He had taken off early on this Friday afternoon and had some work to do. He actually said "I am going to be outside doing some carpenter work, but it is probably too hard for a girl like you."

My whole life, he has teased me by saying that girls cannot do as much as boys. He knows it pushes my buttons, and it also motivates me to better myself. He is actually a really smart guy!

I jumped off the couch and went to help him in the garage. We are building a foot-tall extention on the top of the retaining wall in the backyard. (They have a crazy dog who continually jumps the wall, even though it is almost five feet tall.) I wore a toolbelt (he made sure it was adjusted so it wouldn't hurt the baby), safety glasses, and he let me drill lots of holes. To his credit, he only got frustrated once. I said "DAD! Let it out!" and he said "Amanda, you wouldn't be able to stand it if I did."

My dad loves me, and he is probably right. Since I was little, my world has revolved around what he thought and how he feels about me. Every accomplishment has been to make him proud. It kills me to think that he would be disappointed in me, or if he thought that I settled in my life.

If I can feel this way about a human, why do I struggle with pleasing God? Why am I not constantly seeking His approval? Why do I let myself settle spiritually? Shouldn't I have the same anxiety about not living up to God's standards?


Blogger jes said...

geez. what a convicting post. i loved what you shared about your dad and your relationship with him!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Jennboree said...

Maybe because Dad's approval or disappointment is there for us to see and feel whereas God's is within ourselves to figure out.

It is what makes having faith so difficult for many to understand or even be able to handle.

I think we all have at least one person in our life we strive to make proud of us. Is it our human selfishness? Our need for acceptance?

Perhaps in receiving that feeling of acceptance or approval, it helps to confirm our belief that God too will love and accept us if we do as He leads us to do.

*shrug* I think my new glasses just make me feel like I know what I'm saying.

3:57 PM  

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