Wally world

Not to whine, but I am TIRED. You wanna know why? Really?

Because I just left WalMart.

I guess every once in awhile, they do a big overhaul of department stores. They "flip" them, so to speak. Ours is being flipped. There is a rather hopeful sign by the front door that says, "Your new WalMart, coming soon! 44 more days!"

Well, I broke out the calendar, counted the days, and I won't be setting foot back in there until after May 26th. You can check my math, but I might make it the 27th, just to be sure.

It took me over an hour to locate seven little things. Anti-perspirant? Well, most of it was kinda close to the pharmacy area, but not my brand. MY BRAND was on some tiny whirly-gig kiosk thing, ten feet away by the plant hangers. Carpet cleaner? I still don't know. I would turn a corner and get all hopeful, only to realize that the sign hadn't been moved yet and I was lost in the largest pet department ever built in a WalMart. (Who needs that much pet stuff???)

You can forget about asking the friendly associates at WalMart. They walk around staring at their feet, mumbling "H'lo-how're-you" without even making eye contact. I am sure they are so tired of the griping and complaining from lost customers that work is pretty much unbearable right now. Good thing they are open 24 hours a day, and that they have a bedding section. This gives shoppers plenty of time, and the more traumatized customers have the opportunity to assume the fetal position under a comforter, clutching their list that says "Ziplock bags" and "Hairspray."

Fortunately, I was able to locate my Frappucinos. And toilet paper. You know. The necessities. As for allergy medicine, a new belt, and AlphaBits cereal, those things are going to have to wait. At least another 44 days.

Top o' the mornin'!

I am absolutely positive that my children love me. Korenna lunges at me with open-mouthed kisses of unashamed affection. Dillon says "Mama? Ah you my favwit boy?" at least thirty times a day. Hugs, snuggles, love pats, and all that good stuff.

So, why, in the name of all things Holy, do they not ever let me sleep late? And by "late," I mean one nanosecond past six. Seriously!

Friday morning won the award for the most absurd, sitcom-ish morning of the week. K started talking and whining at five. I lay in my bed, waiting for her to start sucking her thumb and go back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, I rolled out of bed and went to get her.

The babysitter takes naps with my daughter on a regular basis, so I thought maybe I could too. I have even asked her specifically how this is done, because never has Korenna ever tolerated a nap with me. I positioned her in my bed exactly how Krystal told me to, and closed my eyes.

Yeah, right.

Thirty frustrating minutes later, I rolled out of bed and went to put her back in her own bed. She sucked her thumb and went to sleep. SCORE!

I still had twenty minutes to snooze before I had to get ready for school. I crawled eagerly under the covers and relaxed.

Fourteen seconds later, Dillon was standing by my bed. "Mama! My clock can't say six yet! Go put my clock to six! And also, my pants are wet."

He has been potty trained since last summer and has had all of two accidents in his bed. One of them was Friday morning.

It was like a Great Lake in there. Everything had to be stripped and Dillon had to be bathed.

There went my twenty minutes, plus some! I was totally late for school Friday! And I woke up at FIVE! Am I on Candid Camera???

I know there are some people who opt for early wake-up. Like old people. And exercise fanatics. And my own children.

Are there any old people or exercise fanatics who want a morning babysitting gig? I don't want to keep all the baby love to myself, especially before the sun comes up.