Pregnant women and new moms all wear a special sign. It is invisible to the wearer, but those around her can sometimes see it. The sign reads as follows:
I am pregnant or a new mother.
Please tell me everything that comes into your mind regarding either:
a) your children
b) your friends' children
c) various childbirth experiences you have heard about or had, even scary ones
d) how things were done in the "old days"
e) random wives tales and superstitions
f) what you think I should do with my child, regardless of whether I have asked or not.
I just attended the baby shower of an old high school friend. I brought Dillon with me. There was another young mother there and another very pregnant guest.
Everyone's brains short circuited at the sight. All of those signs! So much advice to give! It was an absolute beehive of activity and voices.
I have to admit that I even had to bite my tongue to keep from overwhelming the others with my own stories and ideas. I thought through all of my knowledge (because I have been a mother all of four-and-a-half months now) and decided on two benign pieces of advice that were worthy of repeating.
We played games and talked, and it was a nice shower. I got up to get some punch, and... OOPS! I thought of something else I forgot to tell her about parenting in general!
I was packing Dillon's stuff to go, and I remembered that I am also a good resource for advice on post-partum depression, so I decided to throw that out there, too.
I picked up Dillon's carrier, hugged my friend, and headed for the door. Then I remembered that, since Dillon doesn't poop regularly, she might need to know what I do for that. Oh, and his mild reflux. And, of course, the eczema. OH! And sleeping through the night! And bathtime. Yep. She's gotta know what to do about bathtime.
Before I knew it, I was in my car. The last few moments of the shower were a blur as I charged around with arms loaded down, shouting imperative advice over my shoulder. I don't really like the term "verbal diarrhea" but that is exactly what it was.
You see, holding in the advice doesn't work. It will come out in normal conversation, and if not, it will come out in one big deranged tirade.
But I feel much better now. And I know that she, too, will be able to see all those signs soon enough, and she will know exactly what I am talking about.