Mamas, please!

Dillon has taken to waking up even earlier. I am not talking about thirty minutes earlier than usual. I am talking about two full hours earlier.

I admit that I've been a bit spoiled. Since he was eight weeks old, he has slept through the night from 8 to 6 without waking. There have been a few days when he tried to wake up at 5, but he was easy to get back to sleep.

So this is all new to me. He has been up like clockwork between 4 and 4:15 every morning this week.

These are some things I have tried:

1) Rocking him then laying him back down to sleep. Doesn't work, he cries when I leave the room. (Monday morning)

2) Patting his back and not picking him up. Once again, this is fine as long as I don't leave the room. (Tuesday morning)

3) Changing his diaper in case the wetness bothered him, and then laying him back down. Doesn't work - apparently the wet diaper doesn't bother him! (Wednesday morning)

4) Letting him cry. This is how we taught him to sleep so well to begin with, so this wasn't too hard for me. However, after two hours of crying, it is obvious that he is not going to go back to sleep. (Thursday morning)

5) Putting him to bed later at night. He didn't go to bed till 9:15 last night, which is really late for him, and he was up at 4, crankier than usual!

6) Slipping him a mickey. I gave him Motrin one night thinking maybe that would help, but it didn't. I also gave him some Tylenol one morning when he woke up, and that didn't help either.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? I am fresh out of ideas and I am sleep deprived so I am willing to bet that my brain isn't going to turn out anything worthwhile right now, anyway. He sleeps in a crib, but is 19 months old. Is he ready for a big boy bed? Will that help?

The flute girl

She sits at the end of a pew that is all her own. She comes with no other person, but each week is accompanied by a hard black case. Inside it is her voice.

She has no sight. Her eyes cannot percieve the curious stares of the "regular" members. She doesn't know that her pew alone is the least populated in the whole building. She has felt her way down the aisle, a faint smile on her lips. She has made herself comfortable at the end of her pew, and she waits for the music to start.

Each other member of the congregation lifts his voice. We sing loudly with the praise band, familiar words coming easily, whether we think about their meaning, or what we want to do for lunch.

She, in turn, lifts her flute from it's case. She holds it to her lips and begins to play, perfectly in tune with the music of the praise band. The reedy melody from her flute captures the attention of those who have not already seen her. We crane our necks to find the origin of the sound.

She plays every song, then she places her flute gently to the side as the preacher begins his message. He speaks about loving those who persecute us, referencing Romans 12. He emphasizes repaying evil with good, heaping coals upon the hearts of those who bring us trouble in the name of our faith.

Is this irony? Do the others around me realize this? For weeks, we have watched her. For weeks, at our small group Bible study, we have discussed her odd behavior. We have even discussed "ways to approach her" about her inappropriate flute playing during service.

And yet she smiles, and offers her gift. Not to us! Why would she need to please us? Sinners and those with hearts blackened by judgement! Who are WE to even take notice of her?

No, it is a humble offering to her Lord.

And He loves it.

Playing pretend

Wanna know something gross? Thought so...

Pretend that you can't leave toilet paper on the roller-thingy cause your son pulls it all off. Pretend that your wife keeps it in a decorative (no, not crocheted) container on the back of the toilet tank. So when you need it, you must reach behind yourself to get the roll. And pretend that one time, when you were finished with your business, you stood up to flush and ...

... DROPPED THE ENTIRE BRAND-SPANKIN'-NEW ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IN THE POTTY WATER!

Pretend that your wife walked by and saw the event cause the bathroom door was cracked. Pretend that she laughed so hard that she ran into the wall in the hallway, as she was sprinting for a Wal-Mart sack in which to put the soggy roll.

Finally, pretend that you begged your wife not to blog about that, but then pretend that you went out of town and left her for several days with nothing to do but go stir-crazy and think of this funny thing she should blog.

Now, wasn't that fun?

What backyard?

Daniel got Dillon a swingset and built it in one day. It is really nice, with a long yellow slide and a toddler swing, just for him.

Ironically, we now spend the majority of our time trying to pretend like we don't have a swingset. I keep the curtains closed so that Dillon can't see into the backyard. I try to let Tux out the front door when he has to use the bathroom.

Because, if we refuse to acknowledge the swingset, then Dillon's endless cries of "Ah-side!" become meaningless.

Daniel and I don't even say "outside," anymore. We say "Kansas," as in "How many hours has Dillon been in Kansas today? Oh, only four?! That's nothing! He probably isn't even thinking of leaving Kansas anytime soon!"

It isn't that we are cruel or restrictive! It is just that Dillon's interest in activity has dwindled to two things: 1) swinging (if he is outside) and 2) asking to go ah-side to swing (if he is inside).

He talks about it during his meals. During car rides. After his bath. While we are reading bedtime stories. When he is alone in his crib. As soon as he wakes up. When it is storming outside. When it is freakishly cold in April. As we are leaving for school.

This evening, we had finished our marathon of swinging and come inside to wind down before bed. I distracted him with food, then a bath. After bath, we were reading a story, and in the story there was a cow. Dillon has a small plastic cow that he LOVES. He takes it with him everywhere, including outside when he goes to swing. And, of course, we left it outside by the swing tonight.

Uh-oh.

Can you see where this is headed?

"Mmmmooooo! Moooo!"

Pause. In the silence, you can hear his neurons firing as he makes the connection.

"Moo ah-side? Ah-side??? AHHHHH-SIDE!!!!"

Herrrre we go.

Throwing in the towel

I think everyone has things in their life that they struggle with continuously. Daniel and I are no exception. There are some issues that just keep coming up, again and again, despite our best efforts to move past them.

Probably the most frustrating problem in our marriage has been a lack of decent towels.

Seriously?

Seriously.

We have bought thick, fluffy towels. We have bought expensive towels. We have bought towels with fancy fringe. We have gotten towels as gifts. We have used old towels that we brought to our marriage from our lives as single people. We have even stolen towels from a hotel - and don't act like you haven't. We have tried Egyptian towels, luxury towels, bath sheets, and various combinations of each. We have purchased towels that felt nice, and looked nice, only to get them home and have them fail miserably at their ONE JOB.

A towel's one job is to, when rubbed on wet skin, absorb the moisture efficiently.

• It should not be scrape-y, but a slightly rough texture is invigorating.

• The trim of the towel should not shrink with repeated washing so that the towel resembles reverse-bowtie pasta.

• The trim of a towel should not fray so that the threads wrap dangerously around toes and fingers, threatening sudden amputation.

• The pile of a towel should not be so soft and fluffy that the water becomes evenly distributed on the skin, and the towel absorbs not one single drop.

Is it so difficult? JC Penney has let me down. Nate Berkus has let me down. Target has let me down.

We are really at the end of our rope. We have probably thirty towels in this house, and after each new towel-candidate, we just shrug and say "Oh well. We can use it to dry the dog off after we bathe him."

Who are we kidding? We wash the dog about twice a year!

To save money and stop the madness, we may just invest in Bounty. I think I could reuse it if I hung it up to dry, and plus, there is that convenient Select-A-Size option.

Alanis

Here is incongruity at its finest. This is funny! She is not just making fun of the Black Eyed Peas, but of every other stupid, overtly sexual song!

Hilarity in pictures

I am making scrapbooks for my students for the end of the year. I was digging through a box of old scrapbooking stuff to see if I had any usable stickers, and I came across a little album of Daniel and my engagement pictures.

Tracey is always posting funny pictures of herself from the past. The expressions, body language, clothing, EVERYTHING is so comical to me. I love old pictures! So here are ours. I am actually snorting as I post this cause I think these pictures are so stinkin' funny! Feel free to laugh!

We call this beauty The Grapes of Wrath. We are apparently watching some boiling duststorm in the distance and are too distraught to look the least bit happy about our engagement:

We have recovered from the Depression, and the wind has taken my breath away in this one. Even Tux looks a little confused!

I dare you to post your funniest picture!