Junk

This week is junky. I hate to complain, but, man! Stuff just keeps on comin'!

I am stressed and tired and I am sure I smell like baby food, digested and undigested. Daniel is leaving for a week and we haven't had thirty minutes together since Monday. So, I am packing my bags and heading to my sister's house this weekend. I need to get away, and she needs some company - I hope!

See y'all next week!

Who needs a nap?

My hair is going to look GREAT today. Really!

Dillon isn't napping very well. He will only sleep on someone, and that is frustrating and debilitating when his naptime is the only time we get stuff done. So we are fixing it this week. He is down for his first nap of the day, and he isn't happy.

So I have been standing in the bathroom across the hall from his room. Not because I need to hear him - I can actually hear him throughout the house. But because I have a maternal need to be close to him, and that conflicts with my maternal need to teach him to sleep.

I don't expect him to sleep this morning - he will probably just let me know how much he DOESN'T want to sleep. I need to keep busy while we do this. So I have out my flat iron, my hot rollers, and tons of miscellaneous "product" (as my stylist calls it) and I am going to have great hair.

Something on me better look great, cause my wrinkles are growing exponentially.

Baby's got her blue jeans on

I hate stretch denim. This is a stupid fabric to make jeans out of.

The sizes on these jeans should be in two parts. For instance: 8/14.

The first number is the size the jeans are when you pull them out of the dryer. For me, that is skin tight. You can read the day of the week on my underwear through these pants.

The second number is the size of the jeans after a few hours of wear. If you need to go to the bathroom, you can pull the jeans down without even unbuttoning or unzipping them. The butt part of the pants is sagging and the crotch has a big pouch when you sit down.

Who can wear these jeans and look good? (Don't tell me if it is you!)

The problem I have encountered is that almost all jeans have some "stretch" quality to them. What happened to the old-timey denim that stayed roughly the same size until the third day of wear? I miss the good ol' days.

Guess I will have to wear sweatpants again today. At least the waist is elastic.

Advice fit for a king

Dear Sir Prince,

Dude, next time just start a blog to let us know what you really think!

Don't people know that it is not okay to put your private thoughts on paper anymore? And also, if you do, and you are someone who people pay any attention to, don't give 'em to a journalist. You know, because the nation of CHINA is huge compared to you, man.

Your consultation invoice is in the mail.

Thanks,

Amanda Sue

Finally!

Mous is back!

I check this blog EVER DA and Mous hass bin gon su long. Go see wer he hass bin!

Amanda Sue's Cosmo Quiz: How cool are you?

Recently, PJ told me that "sarcasm is the new serious." I tend to agree with her, and have since applied this way of thinking to other areas of my life. These are some reasons that I am cutting-edge cool. Please feel free to add your own!

1) Pale is the new tan. Here in Texas, we are already wearing shorts, much to my chagrin. To compensate, I have convinced myself that others will want to be as glowey as I am, and soon, we will all be rushing around in the sunshine, huddled Michael-Jackson-like under black umbrellas to ensure skin so pale it is almost blue.

2) Late is the new prompt. Gone are the days of being on time. It is way better to show up late, and still only half-ready.

3) Babies are the new tiny dog. Better than a MinPin in a purse, babies are just as cute but twelve times as heavy! Getcha some!

What are your ideas? I know that my blog readers are cool - just let me know how cool!

Amazing baby

How is this even possible? Raise your hand if you feel like I just had this baby last week! He is so big - growing and learning so much every day.

Happy 6-Month Day, Sweetie!

Natalie Grant

Go here and click the forward arrow until the song "Held" plays.

Man, this song eats my lunch every time. I am gonna go try to swallow this lump in my throat.

Puzzled

You know when you get an email that asks a trivia question, sometimes it will say "Forward this to nine people and the answer will pop up on your screen!"?

You know that really doesn't happen?

You know that can't happen unless there is a virus or something?

If you do know that, then why do you keep sending them to me?

And, also, what is the third word that ends in -GRY??? I got an email that said hunGRY and anGRY were two of only three words in the English language that end in -GRY. What is the third one? The answer didn't pop up on my screen so I am counting on you to help!

Bikini's what?

Vanessa recently thrashed all erroneous users of the English language, and I have to agree with her. We are pitiful grammarians, and it doesn't look like the next generation is any better. I saw this on a tee-shirt at the middle school where I am interning:

I love bikini's!!!

So, there ya go, Aunt V! I thought I would give you a weekend laugh!

To meet the requirements of my graduate school grant, I have to intern in a special education classroom about 12 hours a week. Last semester, I was in an elementary school with kids who needed help reading. This semester I am at the middle school (6th-8th grade), also doing remedial reading. Without betraying confidentiality, let me give you some background on some of these kids.

1) One of them has sixteen siblings, all from the same father.

2) One has missed 65 days of school since September.

3) One has a tattoo up her (HER!) calf.

4) One uses the "f word" on a daily basis to try to rattle my cage.

5) One has been indicted for sexual harrassment.

6) One has metal teeth encrusted with diamonds. This is a permanent fixture, cemented over the ground nubs of his teeth.

7) One has called me a b****, just because I asked her to read out loud.

8) One has been shot in a drive-by.

I feel like I should be at an inner-city school, but my town is SMALL! These are small town kids! One day a couple of weeks ago, one of the girls looked up from her reading and asked me a sexually explicit question that floored me. I am too embarrassed to write what it was, but I had only recently heard the term and was not sure how to answer her. Finally, I said, "If you want to stay after class and talk about it, we can. But we aren't going to discuss that right now. It is time for reading."

Of course, she didn't stay after. I am sure she just wanted to shock our little reading group.

All of this is to say that I feel really sad about our kids. I am not talking about our biological children - we can each do our part to ensure that our own children succeed, but what about these other kids? These guys read on a first grade level, and they are almost able to drive! How did this happen? How can we expect to compete with other countries if this is the quality of student that we produce? Do we just push them through, so they more quickly become a drain on society?

What is the answer???

All this stress and worry makes me tired. I think I'll go put Dillon in front of MTV for awhile, drink a margarita and take a nap. Maybe later I can solve the world's problems.

The early birds

I am lying on my tempurpedic mattress, cradled in the perfect balance of cozy warmth with the coolness of the air conditioner (this is Texas, baby!) blowing across my face. My room is pitch dark. A small fan hums to make some white noise, and my baby sleeps soundly in the next room. The dog is on his bed at the foot of mine, breathing contentedly. It is four in the morning.

Why do I know all of these details? Because my eyes are wide open.

Why are my eyes wide open at 4 am?

Because there is a crazy cult of British birds in my yard that sings incessantly in the wee hours of the day, while the sun is coming up in the U.K. Perhaps they were displaced by a freak wind. Perhaps they migrated here on purpose to visit a relative. Perhaps their thinking is reversed - that the sun comes up because they sing, and not that they sing because the sun comes up.

Whatever it is, it has got to stop. This is not an occasional anomaly. It is becoming a daily ritual. A built-in bad start to my day! In the words of John Stossel - "Give me a break!" And in the words of Amanda Sue - "Go back where you came from before I get a gun out!"

Another topic in pop culture

It has been three years (THREE YEARS!) since Dixie Chicks vocalist Natalie Maines opened her beak to a British crowd, denouncing our president and prompting a slew of protests of their music by many Americans. Our local country radio stations didn't play ANYTHING by them for over a year, and I am sure that happened in other places as well.

Now, I think she probably would be better off having kept her mouth shut, but I didn't run outside and drive over my cds with a John Deere. I like the Dixie Chicks!

But, what do you think? Can they recover? They haven't had a new album since then, and I don't even think they are touring.

Also, if you were one of the other Chicks, would you still begrudge Natalie for tossing their whole career away? Because, essentially, that is what she did. With a few words she took all of their hard work and booted it right to the curb.

Hmph. I am SO glad I am not a celebrity. Sheesh.

Mr. and Mrs. Pitt

Okay, stick with me here for a moment:

Remember when you were in high school and you had your group of friends? And then, within that group of friends, if someone dated, and then broke up, you struggled with who to side with?

That didn't happen to you?

Oh. Well, for the sake of my lame post, pretend that it did.

When my friend Jennifer got dumped by her man Brad, I had no trouble picking sides. I definitely stood up for Jenn. She is smart and cute and funny and SO MUCH BETTER than he is anyway. I had no problem jumping fiercely to her defense.

But then, for the first time in over a year, I saw him tonight. He looks great. Truly happy. Relaxed and content. Not to mention, absolutely gorgeous, but... uh, lets just focus on the "happy," though.

So, Jenn - I am sorry. I can't be on your side anymore. I am a fair-weather friend, easily swayed by some green eyes and a half-smile. Some parting advice? Get over it, and better luck next time!

Competitive edge

In one of my classes, we are discussing different instructional strategies. As an example of one of the methods of teaching, our prof had us label as many of the 50 states as we could on a blank map in one minute.

(Even typing this, my hands are sweating.)

It was hard for me not to swear when the minute was up, and I had only done 30. Hello! I know my states! All of them!

"Let's do it again!"

Groans from all my peers. Yes, I said that out loud.

We did it again. And I only got 36. What? I KNOW MY STATES. I CAN DO THIS. And someone else got 38.

"One more time."

Okay, he didn't let us do it again. But we are doing it next week. Who thinks I will study??? And time myself? And get all 50 next week?

Raise your hand, buddy, cause IT IS ON!!!

(Whew. Now I need a massage.)