Signs of the times

Okay, out of boredom last night, I watched a show on TLC. Usually, I boycott this channel because I have had-it-up-to-here with home/personal makeover shows, and they seem to specialize in those. Anyway, it is Magic Week on TLC so I watched a little bit of David Blaine, then I watched this awesome show on crop circles - Crop circles : In search of a sign.

I am very interested to hear what other people have to say about these things. Some of them are SO intricate and precise, that I really can't imagine that they were made by a man with a rope and board. I am a little intrigued by stuff like that.

The show described how the crops were bent at the base and not broken, and how the wheat shafts had no seeds where the circles had been made. They described the electromagnetic force of the areas where the circles have been found. Also, did you know that 90% of crop circles are found in a 40 km radius of Stonehenge, which, some people believe, is a primative crop circle.

Anyway, maybe you had to see the show to understand. I am just amazed (duped?) by things like this. What do you think?

Dear Readers, Just so you know that this IS a baby, here is a better picture. You still have to post your guess on the picture below though!

What do you think? Stem or no stem?

Hit the road, Jack

I am road-trippin' today! I know many of my other blog friends have been travelin' fools, so I thought I would join the ranks!

I get to go see my sweet baby neice in Fort Worth! She is so excited that I am coming, she wet her pants! (Okay, that isn't such a rare occurance, but I promise, she is excited.)

My sister (Jenn) and I are going to register for some baby stuff cause I have yet to do that. Mostly, we are just going to be lazy and do sister stuff, like talk and laugh.

If we get bored, maybe she can teach me how to eat sixteen powdered donuts in one sitting.

That is disgusting on so many levels, Jennifer. See you this afternoon!

A new season is upon us

This is not one of the traditional four seasons that you learn in school. It is the sweat-soaked merger of late Spring with Summer and early Fall. It begins when the temperatures reach the 80s, and continues until Autumn's cool frost kills the heat. It is a blissful season to yard-workers, baseball players of all ages, and sweaty pregnant ladies.

It is Sno-Cone season!

I would like to take a moment to offer tribute to the person or persons responsible for the Sno-Cone's evolution. I remember the hard ice balls that I got as a youth. They were served in flimsy paper cones and dribbled with "red" or "purple" flavoring that immediately dripped to the pointy part of the cone. They cost 25 cents, which was fair, despite the fact that, more times than not, the hard ice ball would roll off onto the dry, red dirt.

Flash forward to today. I no longer wear blue polyester shorts with stripey tube socks to my knees. I no longer have a side-pony tail and really thick bargain-frame glasses.

Now, there are drive-thru Sno-Cone places. They have about a million flavors and will mix anything for you. They will give you spoon-straws and five napkins, if you ask. They will put a "small in a medium cup" so you don't spill it on yourself in the car. The ice is slushy and there is so much juice in there that your teeth and tongue are an unnatural color after the first sip. AND IT ONLY COSTS A BUCK!

I had my first Sno-Cone of the season today. I knew it was time because, after a full day of humidity and playing outside with my students, I smelled myself on the way home. If you are gonna smell like you worked in the yard or played back-to-back softball games, you better at least get a Sno-Cone out of the deal.

Don't ya think?

Baby name suggestions

Please feel free to post ANYTHING, but know that Daniel likes close-to-nothing! We need suggestions, and wouldn't you love to say "This is my blog friend Amanda. I named her child and I have never even met her!"

We won't know gender until next week, but we need a boy and girl name just in case.

Here are our parameters:

1) Girl names can be anything. Has to flow with "Johnson" - like I think "Madison Johnson" sounds weird with the two "sons."

2) Boy name gets complicated. First name starts with a D, and second name starts with a J. This is a tradition in Daniel's family, so we are honoring that. Also, any variation of "John" doesn't sound good with Johnson.

Thank you in advance for the many responses! I am so excited to have such GREAT input! *wink wink*

My cheater post

Check out this hilarious post on a site I have never visited before. I cannot vouch for the hilarity of the other posts, but if this is any indication, we have a winnnaaahhhh!

http://www.moltenthought.com/2005/04/my-papal-concession-speech.html#comments

Accolades

One time, my evil twin sent an email to Eddie. The email's subject was "Dear Mister Pissy."

I would like to publicly renounce my twin's behavior and apologize on her behalf. Charles Edward Renaldo of Postednote.com is amazing. He worked hard (SLAVED!) over my new template for many moons. I am so glad to finally get to show you what he did!

Once again, Eddie has come through. Props, and more props to you, Eddo, THE MAN!

UFC

Last night, Daniel and I went to a friend's house to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship on PPV. It was $35! Are you kidding me??? Okay, I am not a fan of fighting. I am not a fan of paying money to watch people fight. I am not a fan of Pay-Per-View television.

HOWEVER. If someone else is paying, and all I have to do is make pigs-in-a-blanket, I will go to be social.

I thought the girls would probably end up sitting outside and enjoying the weather while the boys yelled and cursed loudly in hopes that the fighters in Las Vegas could hear them. It didn't play out that way. Daniel piddled on the computer. Another guy took a three hour nap. What kind of fighting party was this?

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed the violence. I don't know the real names of the guys who won and lost, but I gave them names in my head, like "Yellow Shorts Guy" and "Bubba Teeth." Each fight, I would pick a favorite, then watch in disbelief as my predictions were wrong.

It is funny to see that you can't tell winners from the outside. Maybe I am a closet UFC girl. Do they even have a Women's UFC? Anyone want to start one with me?

Blankety blank

No one blogs on the weekends. I feel intense pressure to come up with something to post, so that I can get some discussion from my blog friends before the close of the day. But nothing comes to mind!

Here are my thoughts:

Does anyone want to hear about my saggy pants? I have severe plumber's crack which is only covered up by the giant smock that almost comes to my knees.

No? Okay... I will try again.

How about the poop that my lizard made? He didn't poop for two weeks, then he made this giant pile for me that is the size of two jumbo marshmallows. (That is for you Jes, cause I know you love em!)

Okay, that doesn't do it for you either?

How about the cafeteria lunch we are having today? It is a "ham slice." Seriously. Gag me.

Moving on...

It is nice outside and I am excited that it is the weekend. Lame.

This post is rambling and boring, and I am pretty sure it will be ripped by the Blog Patrol. So you tell me what I should have written about, Michael Phelps!

Extra, extra!

Remember my cute, chubby neice? Well, she is still cute and chubby, but now she has a skinned up ear and a life-time of therapy awaiting her because....

(drum roll please!)

MY SISTER DROPPED HER BABY IN THE DRY CLEANER'S PARKING LOT!!! Yes, she did. According to Jennifer, she was carrying Bella AND the dry cleaning, and then she tripped in the parking lot, probably over some extra air or something.

She recalls the fall, and the words "mmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bbbbaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbyyyyyy!" being hollered in slow motion. She then recalls Bella rolling and rolling across the parking lot.

Many people rushed to the aid of the obvious MHMR patient with the baby. The crazy lady had hurt her foot, and someone picked up the baby to make sure she was okay. There was some recovery time at the dry cleaner, where Jennifer attempted to portray sanity and tried to get her baby back from well-meaning strangers.

Then there was an ER visit (because my sister is the original Drama Queen) and everything checked out fine.

I knew all that padding on Bella had a purpose.

Now, if you read on another blog about this hilarious event unfolding at a Fort Worth dry cleaner, please let us know! Bella WILL be famous one day, but we weren't expecting it so soon!

It sounds hollow in here...

I am amazed by my sudden lack of thought. I seriously have made so many mistakes over the last few days that I am surprised when I find myself at work fully-clothed. Surely, something drastic is going to happen.

Here are a few examples of my short-sightedness.

1) Sunday night at 9pm, I remembered that I had to sort my grandmother's medicine. I have done this on Sunday afternoons for over a year. A YEAR! And this is the first time I forgot. I had to call her and tell her that this task was so menial to me that it slipped my mind. That'll make ya feel loved!

2) Monday morning, Daniel asked me to do two things: mail our tax return and get something to our banker. I left for school WITH NOTHING IN MY HANDS and then had to explain to him why these two important things did not get done.

3) I got pulled over. Again. On the same road. By a different trooper. Give me a break! I just got chastised by Trooper Cortines a month ago, and now Trooper Yarberry has become familiar with the streak of gold that is my speeding truck. He printed out my warning citation in his patrol car and brought it to me. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID????

Brace yourself.

"Oh, ya'll must have just gotten those printers in your cars cause last time I got a warning it was handwritten, and that wasn't that long ago."

Sheesh.

Not only do I not hold the Smart Card, but I feel that it will be a very. very. very. long time before I ever do again.

American Idol

Check out Tracey's review of Tuesday's show. Side-splitting, really!

I have this friend...

Seriously, I do! She reads my blog, then EMAILS me that she read it. She is afraid to post comments. Let us take a moment to encourage her. Commenting is half the fun!

Also, as Step 2 of the 12 Step Program, she probably needs to start her own blog. But one step at a time...

I don't wanna hear a peep!

Peeps are good. My Easter peeps are in a ziplock baggie, so they will retain their freshness. I am sure there is nothing good in them, so I would like to suggest to the makers of Peeps that maybe they come out with a vitamin Peep.

Daniel hates Peeps. He especially doesn't like it when I put one in my mouth, then try to kiss him. Last year, the Peeps stalked Daniel. They hid in his slippers, then in the shower, under his pillow, etc. I had to draw the line when one of the Peeps got into my very expensive ($10!) hand cream and made it all sugary. Stupid Peeps!

I am thinking that the Peeps would fit nicely in Daniel's gun holster. Or maybe one in his contact case, if it curled up in a tiny, half-dissolved ball. Hmmmm.... nights alone are not good for me and the Peeps. I will keep you posted.

Commentary on two songs

My favorite channel these days on my radio is the 80's station. I hear lots of music that takes me back to my youth, and I just think 80's music rocks.

However, I would like to discuss two songs that have recently gotten playtime. The first is by Men Without Hats, and it is called Safety Dance. What?!? What is a safety dance? The song opens with a surreal spelling of the word "safety," presumably for quiz purposes, then continues on with lyrics such as these:

We can dance, we can dance,
Everybody look at your hands...

Because looking at your extremities is an integral part of rhythmic movement?

The second song is also about dancing - more specifically, the Politics of Dancing. This by a band that must have truly been a one hit (hit?) wonder because I have never heard of them otherwise. Re-flex.

Anyway, did you know there were politics to dancing? Did you know there were politics to "ooo-oooh feeling good?"

I like Bananarama, Chicago, Journey, Cyndi Lauper, Billy Idol, Billy Ocean, and even the occasional song by Micheal Jackson. I think I am open-minded, but if you are singing about dancing, lets make sure people want to dance to it.

Okay, fans. This is me at 18 weeks. In case you are not sure it is me, check out the shirt. It is the same one from the last photo session!

Bittersweet

Thirty days. That is all we have left of school!

Thirty more days of trying to find maternity clothes that fit.

Thirty more days of lesson plans.

Thirty more days of this certain mom (who smells like a pack of winstons) coming in to talk to me every morning.

Thirty more days of snoozing the alarm.

Thirty more days of opening milk at breakfast, lunch and snack. (30 x 3 x 19 = 1710 times!)

However much I can't wait for these thirty days to be over, May 26th will be an emotional day. My heart will ache when I tell them goodbye. It does every year. It aches for their sweetness and their innocence. It aches because, in two or three years, it won't be cool to say "I love you" to their teachers. It aches for the gifts they have given me and the lessons they have taught me through this year. It aches because I will be lonely for their hugs and smiles and backrubs.

Mostly it aches because I know that I am truly blessed to hold the hands, wash the faces, and tie the shoes of God's children!

Light at the end of the tunnel

Daniel is coming home tonight! I am so excited that I am going to pause in my typing, and get up to do the "cabbage patch." Come on, join me!

Really! Join me, just this once!

*brief interlude during which the author is gyrating around her computer room in her robe *

Okay! I am so glad he is coming home. He has been at a SWAT conference in San Antonio since Saturday morning. Seeing as how I don't like to talk on the phone, we have had very little vocal contact since then. Perhaps about thirty minutes over the course of the five days.

I am ready to see him! I want to see what kind of facial hair he attempted this week. I want to hear his funny stories. I want to show him the bo-bo I got from running into my desk at school. I want to eat dinner with him and watch "Blind Justice" and "Cops" from this week.

Hurry home!

Whoever smelt it...

I am sitting at school, minding my own business, and all of the sudden...

WHAM! My delicate nose is assaulted by the odor of flaming boiled eggs on a platter of sulfer. Was it you?

Scanner, shmanner

If you ask me, I will tell you what kind of toilet tissue I prefer. I will also tell you what I bought on sale, and what was full price. I am not shy.

But I refuse to participate in AC Neilson's Homescan Consumer Panel ANYMORE!

My husband loves - LOVES - gadgets. Michelle's mom has been on the consumer panel for, like, 100 years, and he thought that was cool, so he signed us up. US.

For about six months, I have scanned every item we have purchased from every store. I have entered the prices. I have transmitted the total over the internet. I have remembered to charge the little scanner. But then today happened.

After a harried day of school, with a pounding headache because of the weather change, and increased stress from family matters, I went to Wal-Mart. I spent almost $150 and left in tears, knowing that I was only halfway done with the business of grocery shopping.

I dropped a bag of groceries at home, screamed an expletive, then grabbed the scanner and threw it out in the yard. Mature, huh?

So we are done. We didn't accumulate enough points to go on a cruise. We will not ever get a free television for our efforts. We are just not tough enough to hang with the serious scanners. WE.

We quit. Daniel just doesn't know it.

WTRAPSU Part II

I did a post a few months ago that had a few "about me" things on it, but here is the complete, or almost complete, list:

1) I love vanilla ice cream better than any other kind.

2) I am a middle child. My sister was always "the pretty one" and my younger brother was always "the wild one." I was "the smart one" until recently, baby boy started stealing my thunder as a junior in college. But this is not about him...

3) I love to read. I usually have at least one book going. If I have two, they have to be of different genres so I don't get confused.

4) I am the proud mother of a little black boy named Tux. He can sit, roll over, speak, lay down, jump up, dance, shake, and get any number of his toys by name.

5) I grew up here in this little town, and I don't plan on leaving.

6) I have driven a truck since I was 18, and I can't see myself driving anything else.

7) I was a counselor for delinquent teens at a wilderness camp for one year. We cooked our food over a fire that we built, we slept outside unless it was below 20 degrees farenheit, we showered as a group, and we used latrines and chamberpots. I got very attached to my "clients" and some of us are still in touch.

8) My parents live two minutes from my house.

9) I have been married since March 2, 2003 to Daniel. Neither one of us believe in divorce, so we are in it for the long haul.

10) I skipped the first grade because I already knew how to read and write better than my peers.

11) I have naturally red hair, but I have dyed it dark brown for about seven or eight months.

12) I have two degrees (B.A. in psychology and criminal justice, M.Ed. in early childhood education) and will possibly go back to school in the fall for a third (M.Ed. in autism/severe emotional disorders).

13) I like summertime better than wintertime. Until October, then I am ready for cold weather!

14) I use Mitchum deoderant. I have tried every other deoderant on the market, and still have half-used sticks of most of them.

15) I hate folding sheets and refuse to do it. My best friend can fold them into perfect rectangles that look ironed. I refuse to compete with that.

16) I love to watch Friends. I go through cycles of who my favorite character is, but they all get their turns. Daniel just loves Phoebe.

17) This is my second year to grow tomatoes in my own backyard. I take them to friends in Dallas who think I am absurd.

18) I have taught pre-kindergarten for three years. Nothing makes me sick except chain-reaction-kid-vomit. I can handle everything else.

19) I would rather have fruit than pizza, any day.

20) I have been out of the country twice - when we went on a cruise for our honeymoon and when we went to England last summer.

21) My dad is the smartest guy I know.

22) I used to not cook at all, but now I am a darn good cook thanks to allrecipes.com.

23) I want to have four or five kids, mostly boys. Of course, if I get just one girl, I will deny having ever said that.

24) I like to go to the dentist.

25) I habitually correct people's pronounciation or grammar without thinking about it. Most people probably think I am rude.

26) I picked out my own engagement ring, and give Daniel all the credit for it. (Except for here, I guess!)

27) I went on a mission trip in 1997 to Santa Cruz, California, with Campus Crusade for Christ. It changed my life.

28) I still get those hang-up-pains in my chest from breathing. My mom says that they are from growing, but give me a break! I'm not growing any more!

29) I love shortbread Girlscout cookies.

30) I cannot stand for my house to be dirty, so I am a fairly good housekeeper. Sometimes I throw things in Daniel's closet, but that is better than having an arguement about clutter.

31) My least favorite color is "pollen" which is the color of my car and driveway right now.

32) I have never had any serious medical problems, except for severe migraines, but you can't do anything about that!

33) I love all kinds of music, and I love the way I sing. I can sound like Kelly Clarkson or WHAM! or Nicole Nordeman or Three Doors Down or Alabama or Men Without Hats. Okay, I only sound that way by myself in the car. Not in front of anybody.

34) I don't like to be late. At all. I would rather not go.

35) I love to eat crawfish.

36) Sometimes I don't answer the phone because talking on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do.

37) I am a good apologizer. I have to be, because I have a big mouth and I offend people without knowing it.

38) I have my own black, fully-stocked toolbox.

39) I lose interest in projects about 30% of the way through. I am actually going to have to stop this list now and come back later.

**********************************

Okay, here goes again.

40) I attend a Bible church. I love it! I love the people and the preacher and the songs and the sermons and the fellowship and, and, and...

41) I love Fall Back, and I dislike Spring Forward, for obvious reasons.

42) I have a superficial interest in current events but am not a "news" watcher.

43) I don't like raisins or peanuts by themselves, but I love them mixed together.

44) I am ticklish.

45) I bit my nails for the majority of my life but I quit about three years ago, and now they grow until I tear them off or use them as staple removers at school.

46) I am a wife, daughter, sister, neice, granddaughter, cousin, aunt, and MOM.

47) I love to take bubble baths and read in the tub.

48) I got a full scholarship to college because I wrote an essay on Texas.

49) I talk to myself.

50) I am not overweight, but I could stand to lose about 10 or 15 pounds. I have been the same size for the past five years (roughly) but gained considerably in college.

51) I like fountain Coke better than bottled or canned.

52) I have never smoked a cigarette, tried weed, or done any other illegal drug.

53) My husband is half-Korean, and lots of people think he is Hispanic. I was very nervous about bringing this non-white boy home to meet the folks, but Mom and Dad love him.

54) I know how to sew buttons on, but that is all the sewing experience I have. I like it when people can make their own clothes.

55) I have mild depression, anxiety and borderline obsessive-compulsive disorder. I take medicine which makes me normal.

56) I have worn the same watch since I was 18. It is a Fossil and I will never wear another brand of watch, because this one takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!

57) I do not have very many girlfriends and I need lots of alone time.

58) Daniel and I danced to Don Williams at our wedding, and I think he has the sweetest voice ever. Don, not Daniel.

59) I find it very difficult to think of 100 things about me that anyone would want to know.

**********************************

60) I love... LOVE... margaritas. Something about the salt and the lime and the mouth puckering flavor of tequila. I don't drink much, but that is my poison.

61) I have taught my students how to give me backrubs at school. Sometimes they get a turn too, but mostly it is all about me.

62) I used to be in the Army ROTC program in college.

63) I have a nice SLR camera with zoom lenses and I like to take pictures. It is an expensive hobby though - I need to switch to a digital SLR. (Hello, Daniel? Are you reading this?)

64) I only cry about three or four times a year.

65) I like to mow the yard and I did it for money in college.

66) I really like to get bitten by fire ants. After a few days, they swell up and you can squeeze them for fun in your spare time.

67) I am naked a lot at my house.

68) Romaine is better than iceburg.

69) I didn't "walk" at either of my college graduation ceremonies.

70) I thrive on feedback and I always want to know what people really think. I think everyone is like this, and because of this, see numbers 25 and 37.

71) I know how to check hair for lice and I know how to treat it. This without even having my own children!

72) I went to a tanning bed in high school and college, and now I think it is ridiculous that anyone would do that to their body.

73) I met my husband when I was dispatching at the police department. He saw my underwear when I bent over to get something, and he was hooked. Romantic, huh?

74) I always leave my flat-iron on in the bathroom when I leave for work. Daniel is convinced I am going to burn the house down one of these days.

75) I have vivid dreams in color and I can usually remember them in the morning. I have dreams about people that I used to know and if you are ever in my dreams, I will probably tell you.

76) When I was little, my family adopted a woman, Miss Gertrude, at the nursing home. We would go visit her and bring her things. We had missed a couple of months, and when we finally went to visit her, she had died. That is traumatizing to a kid.

77) My dad used to want me to be an astronaut.

78) My friends are all low-maintenance because I can't keep anyone else around.

79) I sleep by myself at least three nights a week because my husband works at night.

80) When I have a migraine, I still call my mom to come take care of me.

81) I used to think I would die young because I couldn't imagine myself all grown up.

82) If you smoke, I usually want to tell you that you stink and that is disgusting. You can be the prettiest person on the outside, but if I get wind of stale butts, you are far down on my list of people to associate with.

83) I shave my armpits every day.

84) My favorite movie is Night at the Roxbury.

85) I wear a James Avery fish ring on my right ring finger. My favorite thing about it is that, when I wash my hands with bar soap, little bits of soap get caught in the fishes and then I get to pick them out later when they dry.

86) I have one piercing in each ear, no tattoos and no other body jewelry.

87) I love the ocean. I want to live by the ocean, but definitely somewhere on the West Coast or East Coast, NOT THE NASTY GULF OF MEXICO. And not somewhere cold. Beaches should be warm.

88) I think people who don't vote should shush.

89) I do not think women make very good police officers. I can say that because I actually pursued the career and pre-tested with some departments before I discovered that men are actually better made for the job. (I am usually very womens'-lib so don't even start with me.)

90) I cannot stand home improvement shows. HGTV, TLC, Design on a Dime, Curb Appeal, Designing for the Sexes...give me a break! Daniel watches all of those and I can't stand them. Don't watch TV! Get up and do something around the house!

91) I play with words obsessively in my head. I rearrange letters, make words out of other words, make acronyms, etc. This is an almost constant activity if I do not have something to occupy my thoughts.

92) I feel sad about elephants in the circus.

93) At a Mexican restaurant, I will eat either the rice or the beans, but never both.

94) My mother is half-German and my dad is part Native American. But I just look like a white girl.

95) One time in college, I was talking to someone and I ran right into a tree. It was like something you would see on a commercial. I could never replicate the stupidity of that moment.

96) I have no desire to participate in extreme sports. I value my life and I am fearful of pushing my limits. I like to be on the ground and I like to travel at normal speeds to get from point A to point B.

97) I have a bearded dragon named Nate Backer Woden who lives at my school. He is grumpy when he sheds and he loves to eat crickets. Other than that, he just sits around and gets fatter by the day.

98) If you invite me to a home-party (Pampered Chef, Southern Living, etc), I will purchase something and then hold it against you when I don't use it. Because you know that I can't say no. You knew that when you invited me.

99) I have -6.5 vision in both eyes.

100) I want people to play with my hair. Even if they are not people I know. I like that more than anything. My momma is the best at this and she has ruined me for life because I will always be seeking another person who does this just as well as she does. Like getting a good high after your first encounter with cocaine. Impossible. (For reassurance, see number 52.)

Thanks for hanging in there till the end. Which one surprised you most? Am I pretty predictable?